teh truth is out there

Just read this thing from wonkette. They link to the whole article, but I think they summarize it quite nicely

http://wonkette.com/372975/mulder--scully-crack-911+condi-conspiracy

weird science

Is there anything more exciting than the elusive giant squid? I don't think so. And the more I learn about them, the more fascinating they become. For instance, did you know, they have like, MASSIVE penises? Like, really massive. And that they dispense their precious fluids from said member with the force of "a fire-hose"?

Just read the story.

http://www.cdnn.info/news/eco/e050925.html

girls lookin hot wearin less than bikinis

I'm gonna try and keep it brief here.

Points of interest in Miami:

Halo on Lincoln Road. It looks a lot like the Halo here! It's all white and lit with pink hued lights. We really just popped our heads in to see, didn't even have a drink because we were on our way to meet Rick at...

Bill's Filling Station. Holy fuck. This place was utterly full of man mountains. It was all shoulders and arms and Bud lites and MATTHEW RUSH! HA! I honestly don't think he's that hot (especially in a room full of men who were uncomfortably attractive) but he's a famous porn star and he was standing right next to me and everyone seemed very impressed that he was there. Not Matt though who was all, "yawn!". He's met Mr. Rush before. At Wet of course.

A1A (beach front avenue!!!): We of course did the obligatory cruise on Ocean Drive (which I realize isn't A1A) as the sun was setting, with our Sebring's top down. OOOWWWW!!! I had prepared a play list especially for this. It was a tough choice, but ultimately we cruised to the new Janet Jackson song,

Janet-Rock With U

which I totally love incidentally. It was very gauche and very Miami and very fun.

We drove to Key West after a couple nights in/around Ft. Lauderdale. I really wanted to get going early so we could see the Key Deer at the Key Deer reserve. They're endangered! And adorable! In fact, the Key Deer were a major reason I wanted to go back to Key West because I didn't get to see them the first time. Well the Key Deer and the generally hedonistic, nudie, drunken exploits. I had two reasons.

Well we didn't get to see them. First off, there was a bit of a party in the hot tub outside our room the night before we checked out. I'm not saying the noise kept us awake or anything. I'm saying we were having a party in the hot tub outside our room. So that delayed us a bit. Then I wanted to go to a department store for some shorts and socks. I found what I needed in about fifteen minutes, but Matt went crazy with the Speedos (we actually both got one) and those plaid frat boy shorts, and god knows what-else. So we bought some clothes.

Then I needed a book for when Matt was working and I was all alone at the pool (never happened). So I bought a book. It was called Matter and it was by Iain M Banks and I was intensely curious to read it. This one was a sci-fi thing which is what he's become semi-famous for (it was actually really great if you're into that kind of stuff) but I was so curious because I'd read his first novel (not sci-fi) years ago. One of those British coke-heads I hung out with while I was in Mexico gave it to me. It's called the Wasp Factory and it blew my adolescent mind. I don't remember it changing my life or anything, but I remember laughing really hard, being really grossed out, and feeling really shocked at the end. I passed it on to friends who passed it on to friends and I now have no idea who else it has left unalterably disturbed in it's wake.

The point is that we didn't leave Miami in time for the Key Deer. And we didn't leave Key West in time for the Key Deer either! I didn't get to see the Key Deer.

One more of these posts. That's it. I promise.

deer, antelope etc.

this is pretty cool. from boingboing. no great revelations or anything, and it's kind of a fallacy to believe that everyone could live even this way sustainably (in a lot of ways density is best) but it's a start

show me the dollar first

Matt and I went on Spring Break. We're both a little old for it (some more than others), and Matt hasn't even been in school for more than a decade, but who's gonna pass up an opportunity to get a tan and not worry about anything but a hangover for a week?

We flew to Ft. Lauderdale on a Thursday evening. I brought my math book and I actually did some integration problems on the flight. I was being optimistic that while Matt was working (he didn't actually tell his work that he was leaving town and would be talking conference calls and emails during the first few days of our trip) that I would be studiously doing calculus problems by the pool. Fat chance. I never got up much before noon, made it to the pool around 1:30, and happy hour was at three. I wasn't about to turn down free banana daquiris in favour of fucking L'Hopital's rule.

Anyway, we landed, got our luxurious, blue Chrysler Sebring convertible (South Florida's official car, if you can't afford a yellow Lambourghini) and checked into our trips first (but not last) clothing-optional gay resort. It was called Elysium, it was very nice and I don't have tonnes more to say about it.

But...

That night we went to meet one of Matt's friend's who recently moved to Lauderdale from Boston. He told us to meet him at a place called Georgie's Alibi because it was long island ice tea night. Ugh. The fact that we were going to long island ice tea night caused rise in attitude that was not abated by the fact that when we got to the bar I saw that it was in a strip mall. Florida. Class all the way. The long island ice teas themselves did manage to sunny up my mood a bit though. They were electric blue, served in gigantic mason jars and they cost three dollars. Three dollars! Apparently there's no law in Ft. Lauderdale preventing you to from serving two liters of alcohol at a time, or from taking said beverage outside to smoke.

So there I was, a cartoonishly large mason jar full of windex-coloured hooch, cigarette dangling from my mouth, wandering around a strip mall parking lot. That's when I ran into our flight attendant. He was wasted (as I would soon be after only my second three-dollar monstrosity) but pleasant and we all had a good laugh at how gay a profession attending flights is.

This is already getting long eh? And I've only covered the first night. I'll try a whittle it down to two more installments; tomorrow and the next day.

Never as tired as when I'm waking up.

This post is really just to let anyone who might be reading this know that I do intend on keeping this up. Last week was spring-break and I'd be kind of a sorry loser if I couldn't have fun in Key West without immediately blogging about it (but I was SUPER tempted to hook Matt's phone into his laptop and live-blog our first time at Halo Miami to report on any potential racial disparity I may or may not have witnessed while there).

I posted some photos from the week at my Facebook page, so have a look there if you're interested. I have a couple more funny ones that this guy we met down there just emailed to Matt, and I might put them up (but most of them are NSFW to put it mildly).

Also I'll do a story time post about our trip but I'm kind of hesitant to do so. Here's why: I was drinking a beer and talking to Lisa on the phone, and I asked if she'd read my post about my Comcast-On-Demand personal. She said that she hadn't, and that I better just tell-her-about-it-or-else because she'd recently been talking to another friend of hers who'd said that she'd just had the worst week ever and when Lisa asked what was so bad about it her friend instructed Lisa to "just read my blog."

I don't wanna be telling people to "just read my blog"

So that's one part of why I've been gone for so long. The other is that I'm lazy. I'll post more regularly now. Promise.

just in case you haven't seen it

this is David Sedaris delivering a pizza.

wake up....WAKE UP!!!

It feels like nothing's happening in music right now. Which is like, totally ridiculously false I'm sure, but this is what the internet has done to me. If it hasn't happened in the last 24 hrs, it might as well not even bother showing up. Things get old fast.

Which is why I've only been listening to old music lately. It started with a Kinks best-of which provided several revelations. Everyone goes on and on about Waterloo Sunset, and it is a perfect gorgeous/sad song. I still like Lola better though. I mean, it's about a tranny for christsake! The Waterloo Sunset guy might have complicated feelings and internal conflicts and oh that's very interesting and eloquent, but the Lola guy figures it out in the end, and has no qualms about it.
This might be one of the most queer-positive songs ever. That's so PC sounding. Ugh.

It's true though. How many (hit) tranny-love songs can you come up with?...after a minute of thinking I've got only two, and one of them's Lola. The other one is depressing and involves drugs and prostitutes and godknows whatelse. But Lola's about a young dude (I'm sure that's how the Lola guy would describe himself if he was around in the aughts, just a normal dude) falling for a chick with a dick that he swears he had no idea, man, and in the end he totally grooves on it, and Lola makes him a man, and girls will be boys and boys will be girls, and that's just fine.

This post actually wasn't supposed to be about Lola. It was meant to go elsewhere. But now I'm pretty tired of writing. The title doesn't even make sense at this point. Well, in lieu of the rest, another bonus question! What's the other tranny-love song I was thinking of?!!? Fun, right?

flat parsely. never curly.

I just finished watching Barefoot Contessa. It was my first episode ever, though I've been meaning to watch it since the episode of Curb where you find out that Cheryl TiVo's it. I really liked the contrived spontaneity, like "ohh this sea bass could use something unexpected, maybe I'll go check the pantry and see what I can come up with," then she pulls a bottle of pernod and "oh this will be perfect," and it is! Is she actually endorsing people going out to get a bottle of pernod just to make her fucking sea bass though? no one has it just lying around, and if you do buy it, it will certainly still be there by the next time you wanna make that sea bass, cuz no one's using it for anything else. nu-uh.

Well, this "spontaneity" extended to her wondering aloud what her friend (Roger I think) would do for flower arrangements because "he makes such fabulous arrangements."

Meanwhile, at Roger's house...he IS making fabulous arrangements! and he's wearing his pastel sweater! Roger was hands down the best part of Barefoot Contessa, but I fear he's not an actual fixture on the show and that I just got lucky that my first episode of Barefoot Contessa was the "Roger Episode". He just piled all these grapes in a big ol' bowl and tucked some laurel or salal or something leaves in there, and it came out looking pretty fuckin lovely. That way, Roger said, "If any of the girls gets impatient for dinner they can just pick off a grape." Don't mind if I do, Roger!

Then, you know what he did?, he set the place settings with each of "the girls"'s favourite flowers. So like, if your favourite flower were the peony, for example, you would know to sit in the chair with the peony. "Good conversation starter," Robert fake-whispered, like it was our little secret.

Anyhow, "The Contessa"'s food all looked really beautiful, and appetizing, and just fussed-over enough. I'd totally make any of those dishes, and probably be pretty pleased with myself for having done it too. She kind of reminds me of my mother, in a very unnerving rather than comforting way though, so I'm not going to TiVo it or anything.




Food Nework Bonus Fun-Fact!: I fuckin hate it when Rachael Ray (well, does anything) talks about adding E.V.O.O to things. GAWD! Stop that.

my two favourite things are commitment and changing myself

Last night Patrick and I indulged in what Dateline would probably describe as "binge-drinking". We went to DC9 for the Liberation dance party, which was kind of strange because I've never been to that place when it wasn't full of fags. It's still pretty fun, and the music is better (surprise!). The point of the story though, is that they had an open bar for two hours for a cover of six dollars. Well worth it, but it does lead to some faulty decision making later in the night.

Like when the woman from Comcast Dating-On-Demand approaches you about doing a TV personal ad and you accept her offer and are presently ushered into what you assumed was the cloak room and put under a bright light and asked all sorts of questions about "romance". "This will be hilarious," is probably what you're thinking, and it is for the most part. You answer the questions as honestly as possible without just outright telling everyone that you already have a boyfriend and aren't interested in getting a new one and that you're only doing this for a laugh.

Then you wake up the next morning and realize that you can't remember what you said to that woman with the camera, and you realize she was recording you talking about romance after an open bar (at least it wasn't about healthcare), and that she's going to put said tape on television, and you feel a little afraid for yourself, and what your boyfriend will have to say about this.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it now eh? I'm going to be on Comcast Dating-On-Demand. Look for me. Unless they don't air me because I was a drunken idiot. They wouldn't cut me for not being attractive enough; I've seen some of the pizza-faced dorks on Spring Break that are usually on there. And besides, when I sat on the couch and they turned the lights on, the lady said "oh he's a good-lookin guy!" which gave me just the sort of boost one needs before one records a televised personal ad. Oh god.